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TODAY'S LESSON: A bright September morning: Pam has decided to go
to college and will be lucky enough to get through Play Dough 101. She rides her
bike to school. Professors agree she has become a welcome addition to the student
body. She rides to NYU. Three girls tell Professor Harley he got so tan this summer.
He notice Pam as she rides by, "Waa, Waa, Waa, it feels so good," she sings
over and over. Pam is rich. She shares a portion of her millions with her friends:
Chris Nugyen, Billy Lace, Homer Bentley and Neji. Her only hope is to find someone
as rich and stupid as she is...They meet near a fire hydrant. This is Bif Harley.
They have sex in the open public place, a dog watches as does a group of students
and professors. They do it in the car and she wants the top to go up and over the
car. Homer thinks the crowd is another student demonstration. A Bart Simpson calls,
"Bounce those balls, babe." Homer has lived a full life, done everything,
been every place, felt everything, including blasted hemorrhoids. He goes into a
drugstore. He looks through Prep Ooz, Hem X, Poop EZ, Butt No Bleed. Homer says,
"Oh shit," when Xiao (in tank top which is a bit too short for him and
is black with a triangle inverted on the neck line and shorts high up on his upper
leg, baggy and showing his small package) and Angel (short cut tank top and low neck
line with work pants) arrive. They call him the Homster and Hom Boy. Angel (with
a tail in back of his hair) asks what he is here for. Xiao has a crewcut and frizz.
They keep talking about his piles and what he was checking out. He asks why they
are always following him. They work here, they help the owner and he lets them have
stuff for free. Besides, they like him. He let them have some beer even if it did
make them bard. He shhhhs them, spitting by accident. Angel tells him to pick any
of the hemorrhoid medicines for free. Homer crosses his eyes, "Keep it down
squirt! Hemorrhoids are a touchy sensitive area!" The boys look at Homer's butt,
figuring none of those cures worked. Xiao calls Angel, Dr. Angel as he sizes up Homer's
butt for some serious stuff. Homer tells them piles are not funny, and he calls them
little shits. Angel sees what he calls Blastit but Xiao corrects him with Blisshit.
They gave Homer the wrong thing: they gave him a demolition kit to melt down warts
and corns and a warning on it says it has been known to eat through porcelain sinks
in five minutes. They run toward Homer, hoping he will forgive them. Before they
can reach him, they hear him scream. Ramone and Neji, eating breakfast, hear it.
They were up several times this morning already. Ramone tells Neji he likes his haircut
and calls him sexy. Neji fell in love with Ramone the first time he visited the store
but tells him he was kind of...Ramone finishes, "Nerd looking." Neji kisses
him on the cheek, "Well...hehehe." A sonofabitch caught Neji's head with
a bottle. He complains to Ramone that this is the 3rd time in threemonths that there
have been attacks on him. Over a dozen on other gays this month...that they know
about. Neji is wearing only a long t shirt, nothing else. Neji was buying groceries
in his own neighborhood, "for shit's sake." The attackers are deliberately
coming to the neighborhood, the Village, to attack gays. Neji was thinking of joining
the Pink Patrol, a gay patrol group. Ramone suddenly doesn't want to talk about it,
"Irare said the landlord's giving us problems." Neji thinks he is running
away. Ramone denies it but then tells Neji maybe he is running away. Neji is an 8th
degree black belt and can handle himself, "I survived the captivity and torture
of Comm. Black and all those brush wars the gang keeps getting into..." Ramone
knows, Neji is 18 and mature. Ramone calls him a his little China doll and doesn't
know what he would do if anything happened to him but is proud of him. Billy and
Chris are on a picnic. Billy thinks the kids that Chris teaches should learn something
besides ballet. He didn't put up a fuss when Chris wanted to and did open her own
dance studio. Billy has on long denim pants and a headbandanna, a sleeved t shirt.
Chris has a new, longer haircut. Billy tells her that the kids should learn something
more manly and he makes muscles with his arms. Chris says, "Billy Lace! That's
one of the most ignorant things you've ever said." Some creeps are watching
them from the bushes. Chris tells him that he knows perfectly well that the moves
in ballet are often the same moves in Kung Fu. She kicks a tree stump and kraks it,
sending the three creeps running, "Fuck!" Chris thinks Billy tricked her
since he knew there were lurkers nearby and said those things to make Chris do the
kick and rid them of the lurkers. This Billy and Chris's 6th month anniversary living
together. Chris tells Billy that for the past 6 months, he has been acting so mature
and responsible. He kisses her hand, "And you're going to see alot more of it,
my little leatherette love." Although Chris is not even a year older than him,
she has taken on all the responsibilities. Billy will take some college courses and
find out what his interests are. They discuss Pam, Chris saying she is a bit of an
airhead. Billy says, "And the Pope is a bit of a Catholic." Chris tells
Billy, "Have at it, kind sir." Chris likes the Lace Man's "new you."
As he bends over her, entering her, a squirrel bites his nut. Billy EEyowwwws and
the squirrel goes flying. Neji asks what that was and Ramone says, "That's the
second time today!!" EPILOGUE: Billy's in bandages but the squirrel is the hero
of Central Park. Newly commissioned Lt. Commander Kuggi is, after all, the first
of his kind to fly the length of Manhattan without wings, plane, or parachute. Other
squirrels rally round him. He has on a flight hat and scarf like Lindbergh. AIRBORNE.
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