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Long Island shipyards on a bright sunny day: Chris and Pam are on a cruise on the
Titan. The grouchy captain welcomes them aboard, cursing and having a bad attitude.
Barny Doodle, the ship's purser greets them more merrily. Chris tells him to take
a valium. Balinda Ball, the ship's activity director greets them next. Dr. Updike
meets them also. Mr. Meanstreet with small turban and a Mr. Poodie who looks like
Peter see them. They were told by someone to track a blonde with an Oriental sidekick.
Dr. Updike is also a vet, into animals. An Indiana Jones type comes aboard and thinks
the airhead (Pam) is the one he is looking for. The ship has cast off as he sneaks
on board. The captain tells his purser alcohol is in his blood. They pick up a signal
but the captain chooses to ignore it, "Remember the Valdez?" The girls
spot Meanstreet and Poodie spying on them. Balinda meets the Indiana Jones type man.
A sonar man tells a steerer Elmo that he sees a spot again...like something is following
them. Undersea, a periscope leads to a sub with Russians (?). One says, "Tell
Natasha all is in readiness. We will move in soon." Sidney Meanstreet introduces
himself at dinner (the captain swam through his). He is collector of fine art. He
also introduces Poodie Pudworski who says, "Bonjour." When called Pam's
American sidekick, Chris jokes, "As opposed to an American punch in the mouth?"
Chris hits them and fights them down when they seem to ask her if they want them
to give it to her they should do it in a private place. The Indiana guy is Humpty
Gocart. They follow him as he meets the girls Pam and Chris. There is a full moon
on one side of the ship. Miss Ball is tied up and nakedññsomeone whacked her and
tied her up. Humpty tells Chris and Pam they may call him Hump. He seems to be the
first sane man they met since coming aboard. Hump and Chris go off as Pam plans for
bed. Meanstreet gives Pam, when she is alone, a vibrator, asking forgiveness and
bowing to her expertise. They leave. The captain panics when he falls, thinking they
hit an iceberg just like his dad did, "It's happening all over again! Just like
my dad!" An ensign or crewman stops his panic attack. As Pam uses the vibrator,
the Star Wars laser is fired and fries a hot dog stand ind Tulsa. The control box
was stolen. A General is reported to and he comments that the terrorists must not
have this, "There's no telling what they may do or what evil their filthy minds
will get up to." Pam is doing just that! |